


Hollowed Out, Light as a Feather

by ScrollingKingfisher



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Amnesia, Caleb gets memory wiped and it lasts a little longer than in canon, Camo appearances from the rest of the nein, Found Family, Gen, Rumblecusp strikes again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:28:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26290420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScrollingKingfisher/pseuds/ScrollingKingfisher
Summary: Bren wakes up fully rested, surrounded by his friends, and in an amazing mood.
Comments: 16
Kudos: 182





	Hollowed Out, Light as a Feather

Bren wakes up fully rested, surrounded by his friends, and in an amazing mood. 

It’s going to be a beautiful day on Rumblecusp. He sits up and stretches, watching the sun starting to rise through the wavering translucency of the dome. He can already see the shapes and hear the quiet humming of someone…  _ Caduceus _ , yes, that’s who it is, Caduceus is making breakfast, some kind of fry-up by the smell of it. Further off he can hear groans and laughter. Beau and Fjord’s workout routine, he remembers after a second. 

There’s something… light about today. Something good. As though a great weight has been lifted from him. He has not felt this good in… oh, maybe twelve years.

(His memory stutters. Trips. Something is wrong. He knows this.)

(He ignores it.)

There’s a quiet rustle and a murmur next to him, and Bren looks down and smiles. Nott has rolled away from him in her sleep and is now burrowed against Jester’s side. Jester’s brow wrinkles, her light snoring cutting off, and for a second Bren thinks she’s going to wake, but then one blue arm emerges from the blankets and tugs Nott closer like an octopus. The snoring starts up again. 

Bren smiles again, feeling incredibly fond, and leans down to press a kiss to the tops of each of their heads. So many little things about them that are dear to him. Nott’s face has an adorable pillow crease across one cheek, her thick hair coming loose from its braid, and he tucks a strand back behind one slightly-pointed ear (a flicker of doubt- for half a second he thinks they should be longer, greener, more mobile- but then it’s gone). Jester is drooling just a little. Her tail is lying out of the blankets, and the spade-tip keeps twitching just the same as Frumpkin’s does when he dreams of chasing mice. Her hair is soft and smells like strawberries under his cheek as he kisses it, and that fond feeling wells up even more, filing his chest until he can feel his eyes crinkling with it. 

(There should be… something else, he realises. Something stopping him. He doesn’t usually do this. Something is wrong.)   
  
(He tries desperately not to think about it. This is good. Can’t that be enough?)

Over Jester’s shoulder, Yasha’s large form starts to stir as well, mismatched eyes blinking open. They meet his and he sees her frown just a little in confusion.

“Good morning,” Bren murmurs to her, smiling as Nott stirs again, smushing herself even closer to Jester. 

“... good morning?” Yasha asks. She frowns again, and Bren waits for her to formulate the question he can see on her lips, but Caduceus chooses that moment to stick his head back through the dome with a smile. 

“Tea’s ready, if anyone wants some.”

Bren grins and stands, stretching fully to crack his spine, and wanders out of the dome without bothering to put his boots on. There are twin groans from behind him as the dome dissipates. He chuckles. 

The ground is soft under his feet, sand and the occasional leaf crunching under his soles as he approaches the little campfire that Caduceus is tending. Beau and Fjord have finished their workout and are also wandering towards them, Fjord looking distinctly sweaty and bedraggled, Beau punching him teasingly on the shoulder, both of them grinning. 

As they approach, Fjord goes to inspect whatever it is that Caduceus is cooking, and Beau peels off to heckle Jester, who’s now groaning awake in the rumpled pile of sleeping rolls. Bren watches as Fjord listens with rapt attention to Caduceus explaining exactly what’s in the fry-up, then snags a piece and tries to pop it in his mouth when Caduceus isn’t looking, only to have to fake a coughing fit when it burns his mouth. Bren snorts with fond laughter.

He doesn’t jump when Beau drops down beside him. “What’s Cad cooking? I’m fuckin’ starving.”

“I will be honest, I am not entirely sure, but I trust him with his spice collection.” He claps her affectionately on the shoulder as he hands her the cup that Caduceus had left for her.

She seems a little surprised by that but accepts the cup happily enough. Bren can feel her watching him with her usual sharp focus as they sit together, sipping her tea as he gets out his spellbook to review what spells he might need for today. He smiles to himself as he flips past the spell he used the other night to illuminate the dome with good memories. One of his better inventions. 

He turns the page, and pauses. He frowns. His fingers drift over his own familiar cramped handwriting, spidered diagrams and arcane runes laying out an unfamiliar spell. What was this? He narrows his eyes at it, scrutinising it closely. When had he learnt a spell to change a body? He doesn’t remember doing that… he tries to remember...

(Don’t look don’t look  _ don’t look- _ )

To his relief somebody plops down next to him, redirecting his focus. He turns, and laughs out loud. 

Nott has brought all her blankets with her, her grumpy face peeking out from inside the quilted ball. She gives him a disgruntled look and scoops up her own cup of tea. Bren can’t resist tugging a loose flap of blanket gently over her face, chortling harder at her indignant noises. 

Beau doesn’t share his lighthearted amusement. She props her arm on one knee, leaning forwards to get a better look at his face. “Man, what is  _ up  _ with you this morning?” 

Bren shrugs, pouring himself another cup of tea as Nott flails her way out of the blankets. “What do you mean? Nothing’s wrong. Just in a good mood, I guess.”

Beau opens her mouth, but then Caduceus bustles between them, a steaming pan clutched between his mitts. “Everyone grab a bowl from just over there, yes thank you Beau, eat this while it’s hot, I’ll just go and get…” Caduceus’ eyes wander to Bren and stick there. Bren smiles at him, but he feels it falter as Caduceus’ usually placid expression turns down in dismay as pale eyes scan his face. “Beau, is he…?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Beau responds. “He’s been actually smiling at me and it’s kind of creeping me out.”

Caduceus glances down at the hot food that he’s holding, then back up at Bren. He straightens to his full height and turns to call over his shoulder. “Jester? I believe your presence is required,” he looks down at Bren again, “and bring the gem dust.”

“What’s wrong?” Bren asks, brow furrowing in confusion, even if in his heart he knows. 

Jester comes bouncing up, Yasha and Fjord trailing in her wake, bag already clutched in hand. “Okay! Who is it?”

“Caleb,” Caduceus says. Bren looks around for whoever it is they might be referring to. 

But then Jester sits herself down in front of him with a smile, one hand already glimmering with precious dust. “Caleb?”

He feels something stir inside him at the name this time. A tug from that great, gaping hole in his memory that Bren’s been avoiding all morning. The terrible, ominous feeling  _ looms  _ for a second before he forces it back. 

“Who… who is Caleb? Do we know him?”

The increase in tension is immediate. They’re all watching him now, uncertain, gathered in a little circle around him. Fjord leans forward, the tips of his tusks digging little divots into his upper lip as his jaw tenses with concern. He glances at the others for just a second before looking back at Bren. “Do you remember your name?”

Bren clutches his cup of tea tighter. “My… my name is Bren. Bren Ermendrud.”

Everyone’s expressions immediately turn to devastation. Jester’s eyes go huge and sad. Nott lets out a heartbroken little noise and Bren’s stomach drops as he reaches forward to comfort her. He grasps her smaller hands in his, running his thumbs over her knuckles. “I’m… I’m sorry…”

“God, this is so wrong,” Beau mutters to his left. “He needs a factory reset.” Caduceus is beside her now, watching Bren carefully. 

“Well, let’s do it then!” Jester takes a deep breath and starts the incantation

Bren recoils with a surge of panic. “No! Wait!” He holds up a hand. “Wait. Please.”

Jester’s hand pauses, halfway towards touching him. The dust glimmers on her fingers.

Bren doesn’t take his eye off it. He can feel his pulse thrumming in his throat, unnameable dread welling up. “I have lost my memories, yes? Is nobody else curious about how this whole thing works? Which parts are lost and which remain?” 

There’s a pause as the others think about it. 

“You’re right, we don’t entirely know what parts vanish first,” Fjord muses.

“It would be kinda good to know,” Caduceus says slowly. 

Bren relaxes a little as Jester withdraws her hand. Nott is still looking uncertain, glancing back and forth between him and Beau anxiously for some reason. 

“I’m… not sure if this is a good idea…” 

Beau draws herself up, crossing her arms, looking thoroughly unconvinced. “Okay. Fine. Do you remember who we are?”

Bren perks up. “We are the Mighty Nein! You are all my dearest friends.” He points at them each in turn. “Jester, Fjord, Caduceus, Yasha, Beau, and Nott.” 

Wrong. Nott flinches, just a little. The rest shift uneasily. Bren feels a stab of guilt, though he doesn’t know what for. 

Beau’s mouth pinches into a grim line. “What about where we are? Why we’re here?”

“We are on the island of Rumblecusp, we arrived just a few days ago. We’re going to fight Vokodo- we were discussing it just last night.”

Beau’s eyebrow rises, full of judgement. “And how did we get here? What were we doing before this?”   
  
“We got here on… a boat? I don’t-”

“What was the boat called? What happened to it?”   
  
An ache starts behind Bren’s left eye. “I…”

“What about your parents? What about them?”   
  
“I don’t know!” He snaps, nearly shouts. It echoes off the rocks, sending tropical birds into flight with piping alarm cries. He can feel his heart thumping hard in his chest. 

“Hey,” Fjord says gently, putting a hand on Beau’s shoulder, “how about we all calm down a little? Caleb,” he turns to address Bren, “what’s the first thing you  _ do  _ remember?”

Bren takes a deep breath, closes his eyes. Tries to think back. “We all met in a tavern. Jester was making all the windows fly open. And then… there was that time in the bath house. And… we own a house, yes? We have a hot tub.”

“What else?” Yasha asks.

“There’s… there isn’t… don’t I remember all the important things?” He says lowly, twisting one sleeve in his anxiousness. “I remember what we came here to do. I remember how much you mean to me, how much I love you all...” 

“Oh Caleb…” Nott whispers. He can hear the upset in her voice.

He doesn’t look up at them. Doesn’t want to see the pity there.

“You know, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if Caleb doesn’t remember for a few days.” Jester’s voice breaks the silence. Caleb looks up at her, and to his surprise, she’s smiling brightly. “We can always fix it after we’re done with Vokodo, right?”   
  
Fjord frowns. “Uh, Jester, I don’t know if that-”

“No, no I think that’s a good idea, actually.” Caduceus interrupts him, his focus strangely sharp for a second before it mellows out into his usual easy smile. “That way we can save our spells. And the components. We don’t want to run out of diamonds.” 

Bren is so relieved that he misses his meaningful glance to Fjord. Fjord nods, first slow but then more rapidly.

“... right. Yes. Yes! Good point. It can wait!” 

Bren lets out a long breath, taking the tension out of his body. Already he can feel the dark cloud of those memories retreating into the distance. The morning seems lighter again, the sounds of insects and calling birds filling the clearing once more. 

Beau shuffles forward sheepishly. “Hey, man. Sorry for giving you a hard time earlier. I was just worried for ya.”   
  
Bren smiles at her, pulling her in for a hug. It’s a little awkward with them both sitting down, but he doesn’t mind. He’s always liked giving hugs. “I know, and thank you. You’re a good friend, Beauregard.” Her body is stiff for a second, like she hadn't been expecting it, but then her arms came hesitantly up to hug him back. 

“You know we all love you too, right?” she says in his ear.

“Beau’s right,” Caduceus chimes in, briefly placing one large hand on Bren’s shoulder to squeeze gently. “You’re among people who care about you.”

“Whatever you want to be called,” Nott adds, touching his leg and giving him a wobbly smile when he looks down at her over Beauregard’s shoulder. 

The others all nod, murmur agreement, looking at him fondly, and for a second he’s overwhelmed with that same warm love for them all. It makes his eyes mist, just a little, and he squeezes Beau’s narrow shoulders before letting go. “Let’s get some breakfast before it gets cold, ja? We’ve got a false god to kill today!”

Beau chuckles, giving him one more awkward pat before going to get a bowl. Their little circle breaks up a little, Jester murmuring a few words to Yasha before bounding forwards with a smile on her face. He feels a second of trepidation as she approaches.

“Hey Bren, can I have a hug too?”   
  
“Of course you can,” he sighs, letting that easy smile creep back onto his face, still so relieved. He wraps his arms around her shorter form, squeezing tightly. She squeezes him back, even tighter than Beau had, and he swears he feels a little hitch in her breath against his chest as she presses one grainy hand against the back of his thin shirt. Wait, grainy-

There’s a flash of divine light.

The memories land on Caleb like a tonne of bricks. They funnel into him, a tide of darkness that sucks him under for a second. The war. The Soltrice Academy. Trent. His parents…

But under that darkness and the fire, always the fire, there is still that tiny speck of light. Their faces. Jester, and Veth, and Yasha and Beau and Caduceus and Fjord. That upwelling of fondness, giving him just a moment of reprieve from all the horror. A foothold in the storm.

It’s just enough to keep going. Despite everything. 

He comes back to himself as Jester pulls her tear-stained face away from his chest. The others are hovering worriedly around them. “I’m so sorry, Caleb, but we couldn’t leave you like that, it was all wrong, I’m sorry!”    
  
Caleb forces his stiff arms to drop. “It's okay, Jester,” he tells her, and he tries to smile, even if he knows he mostly fails. “It’s better this way.” 


End file.
